Red Alert

It took me almost a month and a half to do it. Yea, I had downloaded the app. I set it to regions that I felt connected to. But... I turned off the notification sound. How could I possibly go about my day with that siren wailing from my phone? How could I get any work done with that incessant sound going off? But then again... how could I not?

I changed the settings to notify me of all rocket alerts in all regions of my beloved Eretz Yisroel. I turned on the notification sound. I have my phone next to me all day. And now... I know what my beloved Eretz Yisroel is enduring.

My heart pounds. My head spins. How can anyone think? How can anyone breathe? How can I live comfortably in my four walls when my brothers and sisters are being bombarded and praying their four walls aren't hit? 

I sit down for breakfast.... RED ALERT.

I daven... RED ALERT.

I start doing some work in front of my computer... RED ALERT.

I go to the bathroom... RED ALERT.

As I type this post, the Red Alert has gone off at least ten times in regions across the country. My Twitter alerts are an additional reminder that this is real. This isn't some virtual reality where the Red Alert only exists in my phone and people aren't running for their lives. This is life. This is the only reality Eretz Yisroel knows right now. 

6,000 miles away, there isn't much I can do. I can donate to the IDF... I can retweet and show my support. I can daven. I can daven. Hashem... I'm davening...

And as I daven... a Red Alert goes off...

Five... four... three... two... one...

Questions

Can you answer me this

The war

And the relentless hate

The pointless destruction

And senseless loss of life

What is its purpose

Its worth

What lesson

Are we meant to be learning

What question

Should we be answering

Or better yet

What question

Should we be asking

My brothers at war

My sisters in tears

My mother

Lost in her pain

And my father

Unable to end this war

If this is the battle

We are meant to fought

Than better equip us

With a heart of steel

And a mind of knives

For our heart of flesh

Has failed us

And we allow the enemy to flee

We allow the world

To tell us how to be

But all we need

Is to be the people

You know we can be

So as a humble sheep

Among the savage wolves

I strive to live

According to your will

Within the world

You placed me in,

Open Door Policy... Just Please Wipe Your Feet

My doors are wide open

The windows have been unlocked

Come in, stay a while

Have a drink

Or two

I remember you

When you first came around

Hard hitting and hurtful

But now I invite you in again

For a game of chess

Don't mind the mess

I had some visitors the other day

I forgot to put their stuff away

Welcome in

We can hug

Or kiss

Or sit in silence

I am fine with the quiet

Or if you prefer

Let's converse

Discuss

Share what's on your mind

You already know what's on mine

The confusion

And wanderlust

Of where I am
And where I want to be

But here and now

You are sitting beside me

And I think

If I try

I can be ok with that

With just sitting

And looking you in the face

To understand

Your place

In this mixed up head of mine

This state of mind

In this house of glass

That everyone sees inside of

But I just want to see

Inside of me.

Light

I am waking up in darkness

Trying to make sense of chaos

I am writing words

Saying things

I forgot

How to think

To use my head

Making choices

Is a tipping scale

And I've chosen darkness

If I recall the light

I remember

All the happiness I felt

The joy

And bliss

And light

What brilliant

Radiant light

I can remember

I can relive

I can recall

I can

Live,

Breathing Kedusha

I have breathed in Kedusha. I have inhaled the otherworldly air of the Shechina, where the mundane is fleeting and reality is from a higher realm.

I have felt what it's like to look, Panim El Panim, in the face of G-d.

When G-d created us B'Tzelem Elokim, He created human beings with a piece of G-d within them... we posses a piece of G-dliness, so pure and so holy that nothing else can compare... Nishmas Elokim. But, as humans are known to do, we have distorted that purity and sullied it with our own goals and motivations. But G-d created individuals who are free from this plight. Individuals who perhaps do not possess every mental capacity to be in control of their actions, but who possess a soul that is so clean and innocent. 

I cannot full describe what it means to spend seven weeks in  "Heaven on Earth". Coming down from such a high is so achingly painful, my heart is still recovering. When Neshamos connect so deeply and so honestly, anything less than that is difficult to accept. 

Answers

Sometimes we get answers
To the questions
We were too scared to ask
Life altering conflicts
Are solved with a simple solution
That while is so painlessly presented
Is more painful
Than if we had risked asking

Sacrifice

They gave blood
Bodies
Bruises
We have been banned
Barred
We struck deals
And lost lives
So why shouldn't I
Make a sacrifice
For the greater good
For the tikkun of this broken world
So here is my heart
I am trying to break the stone
So you can have my flesh
The part of me
That desperately needs G-d in her life
Bit by bit
I will chisel at the rock on my soul
So the dirt will be cleared
And give way for You to complete me

Sacrifice

They gave blood
Bodies
Bruises
We have been banned
Barred
We struck deals
And lost lives
So why shouldn't I
Make a sacrifice
For the greater good
For the tikkun of this broken world
So here is my heart
I am trying to break the stone
So you can have my flesh
The part of me
That desperately needs G-d in her life
Bit by bit
I will chisel at the rock on my soul
So the dirt will be cleared
And give way for You to complete me