Friday, October 30, 2009

What Comes With?

A man was called
To stand before the king.
He came to his friend,
Fearful and worried.
His friend, with great tact and love said,
"Well, good luck! Can't come with you,
But, you know... enjoy!"

The man, dejected and upset,
Went to another friend,
His eyes brimming with tears.
This friend said, "I understand,
And I want to help you.
I will walk you to the gates,
But that is as far as I can go."

Finally, the man went to a third friend
Feeling somewhat hopeful,
But not entirely placated.
This friend, with a fire in his eyes told the man,
"I will take you to the end.
I will hold your hand
While you stand before the king.
Don't be afraid.
I'll be with you. I won't leave you."

The man went to the king.
He waved goodbye to his first friend-
He wasn't coming with.
He walked with his second friend,
But parted at the gate of the palace.
He went in with the third friend,
And they held hands before the king.


I keep hearing this mashal in many forms, in many places, from many people. The nishmal is as follows.
After 120 years, we are called before the King. Scared, we cling to our possessions, we hold on to our material wealth. But sadly, the money earned, the clothing bought and the electronics used, don't come with us. They wave goodbye as we go into the next world.
But we don't make our way to Shamayim alone. Our friends, our family, accompany us as far as they can go. The levaya is their way of taking us to the gate, they take us to the grave, and wave goodbye, for that is as far as they can take us.
So what accompanies us before the King if our possessions are left behind and our friends can't go pass the gates?
Our mitzvos. Our deeds, our actions, our tefilos, our tzedaka. That is what takes us before Hashem. Our mitzvos hold our hand, they refuse to let go. The more mitzvos we have, the stronger their hold is, the more comforting they can be for us when we stand before Hashem on Yom HaDin.

I dont know about you, but this really spoke to me. Sure, while we are on this earth, we buy things, we earn money... but if we don't use those things for mitzvos, they are worth nothing. if we don't donate our used clothes to a gemach, or give maaser from our earnings, then those things are worth nothing! And during our life, we make friends, and accquanitices, we have a family, siblings, relatives, and as much as they love us, they can only accompany us to the gates. Once we go into the grave, that's it. After we are buried our friends can't go with us! Only if we comfort our friends, help them when they are need, learn torah with someone or refuse to listen loshon hara, can our friends "go with us." The mitzvos we gain through our friendships are the only thing that will speak for us before Hashem. Our mitzvos our the only things that will stand with us before Hashem.

After 120, don't you want someone to hold your hand before Hashem?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wow!

Wow. I don't think my mind could move any faster with all that is racing through it right now. I have had questions on bitachon and emuna but how can I not believe when Hashem pulls through for me every single time. (DF, here's looking at you...)
Just today, if I didn't look close enough, I could have passed it off as good fortune, but things could not have gone better despite their difficulties... all because of one hand..
I am getting in that figurative car of life, and going!
Great things about today (i have decided this will be my second shtick. Share your own good tidings, I love hearing good news!)
1. good test mark
2. accomplishments with CL
3. Shmoooooooooooooooooooooooooozed with ES
4. Have an interviewee for my English paper! (Thanks Freeda)
5. I HAVE A DATE! (No... not that kind....)
6. S is coming home!

And even not today. BH this has been an amazing week. And like I just heard, man has a funny way of messing with happiness, and I very nearly did it. I was ready to fall into that sadness that I have been fighting, but I kept hoping, kept looking up, and guess what... Hashem was looking down at me with love and care and decided to help me out.... (once again DF...)

So... even when things are bad... if you talk to Hashem, you will trust in Hashem...

Have a fabulous Shabbos everyone! And thanks to Freeda's comment, I am going to find ways to enhance my Shabbos to the fullest. I wish the same for you!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Indecisive

Ok, I'll fess up. I am indecisive. I can't decide what to eat, wear, say... And when I do choose something, I like to choose the alternative whenever possible. I just can't make up my mind! I want noodles... no, salad... I JUST WANT FOOD! And when it comes to blogging... well, if you check my blog often enough, you'll be sure to see at least four different posts in one day, but only one will make it to the final cut. (Which is probably why I have about twenty draft posts because I can't decide what to publish and what not to ie. too personal, not coherent, really random, ultra depressing... catch my drift? But of course, in the grand scheme of things, this post is personal, but I am sharing it anyway just for general FYI)

I can't decide what books to read... it looks good, but the content is questionable, so I start and BH I am pretty good at screening my books, even if it seems good, and I will close it. I have done this before even when I really wanted to read the book.

I can't decide who to call. Who should i call to: cheer me up, shmooze, learn a bit with, tell a good joke, share some sorrows. I just can't choose!

People have told me before that I am indecisive. I feel like tug-o-war is being played in my head. back and forth, back and forth, left or right, up or down, WELL WHICH ONE IS IT? BH, in the end, I can usually choose whatever is best, but not after a ten minute mental debate with myself.

So, I just thought you should all know, I am indecisive... but proud of it because then I really can get down to the raw, bare details of anything, figure out the pros and cons and BOOM! A good choice... It just takes a while and a whole lot of talking to myself... (don't worry, I am not crazy... but if I start answering myself back, you might want to call the men in white coats... happens to be, they are my good friends :D )

So, my name is "Rachelli" and I am indecisive. Nice to meet you...


Or is it?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And now, because this seems to be my shtick, I would like to share a poem with you and I would *LOVE* if you comment on this one, because I would like the feedback about... well... read and find out!

Just a question, so honest and true,
Hit me in the face, smack of the blue,
“What do you like to do to enhance your Shabbos
And to make your Rosh Chodesh special, let’s discuss!
Can you answer me about these two?”

“Well friend, what is this for?”
I asked her, hinting towards more
Why is she asking me this question today?
Is it for an article or survey?
How will she mark me, will I score?

“It’s just for me, I am curious to know
So when I am big and all grown
I can use it for my family, to teach each child
That these special days are worth our while
So give me an answer, let’s go!”

I think to myself, why this hasn’t crossed my mind
Before, why is it that in my head, an answer I cant find!
Shouldn’t this be something I think about each week,
Each month and now an answer I can’t speak!
I wish that I could reply to her in kind!

So I stumble along, to make up something to say
But this should be something I think about each day!
Shabbos occurs every week no matter what
But I can’t get my mind out of this rut
And I just wish I could run away!

I made up something, a little random, I should add
And now I can’t help but feeling just a drop sad
Why don’t I have something readily prepared?
When she asks, “about your Shabbos/Rosh Chodesh enhancement, care to share?”
So now I got it in my mind to find something to make these days grand!

Maybe to more conscious of the way I speak
Than how I do normally during the week
Perhaps I’ll visit a friend who I normally don’t see
Cuz we don’t get a chance when rushing through school so speedily
I am going to find some special and unique!

Maybe I’ll daven just a little bit longer
And make my connection with Hashem a bit stronger
Or I will make it a point to always read my ‘Parsha Views’
Because it teaches me all I need to know about being a good Jew
And with these ideas, my answer won’t be a vague blur!

So share with me your ideas please,
Let’s unlock the Shabbos/Rosh Chodesh potential with our original keys!
If we can find one thing to enhance these days
Perhaps we can pull Klal Yisroel out of this Galus haze
Come let’s grab this opportunity, together, we’ll achieve!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

All Work, No Play

Out the door
I gotta go
Where's my coffee
Does anyone know?

Down the hall
Zooming past
I cant be late
To my next class

Running quickly
Rushing by
Can't catch my breath
I'm on the fly

"What time did you go to sleep?"
"Oh maybe half past two!"
"Man, that's late,
How much 'homework' did you get to do?"

"See you later!"
"I'll be there soon!"
"I haven't eaten,
Since last afternoon!"

Life of a teenager
A student, a friend
Sure, it's tough
Can't wait to know what's around the bend!



Monday, October 26, 2009

Wally WORLD!

Since I seem to have writers/"bloggers" block, I just wanted to share this. I think it has a incredible message...
Which will probably lead me to the other part of the Candy Man post sometime soon..

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Lessons on Life Learned in Math Class

The nice weather the other day got me to thinking about how math and life are a lot alike. I wrote it down and wanted to share it with y'all (that's my southern accent if you couldn't tell)
Really, I am posting it more for me. I really need the chizuk right now, and if anyone has more to share, feel free!

Lessons On Life Learned in Math Class

1. There is logic to everything
a. to every math problem there is an answer, even if I don’t know it
b. to every life situation there is a reason for its occurrence, even if I don’t understand it

2. One things builds on another
a. if I don’t understand variables, I cant solve inequalities (which happens to be what I am learning in math now)
b. If I don’t know how to accept mussar or chizuk, I’ll never know how to overcome challenges

3. There are tools to help
a. If need be, I can use a calculator, protractor, ruler etc. so solve problems
b. One word: Torah

4. There is always someone who will know more than me
a. There will be times when I won’t know how to answer. When that times comes, I can ask my teacher for help
b. Times of trial are inevitable. When these situations arise, there is only one person I can to turn to for help. Hashem

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Through The Years

On a shelf
Way up high
Rests a book
That saw you cry

Crinkled pages
Stained with tears
Bear witness to the use
Endured through out the years

Rips and tears
Color each page
This small book
Saw you grow and age

It saw your happiness
Your appreciation and love
As your soul expressed thanks
To the One Above

On another shelf
Encased in glass
Is a similar book
That time did pass

Events and moments
Just flew right by
Time never stopped
To wave and say hi

This other book
Did not have a part
For its crisp, clean pages
To open up someone’s heart

Yes, it’s cover
Is smooth and new
And the words inside
Are just as true

But this book
Never did show
That someone up high
Is listening to all you disclose

Truthfully, both books
Are essentially the same
But one was a source
Of comfort during pain

The clean, fresh pages of the other
Are precious and good
But those unused pages
Did not achieve all they could

That one that’s worn
Looks overworked and abused
But it only serves as a testimony
To how lovingly it was used!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Roller Coaster

I was looking for this for a while... I wrote it a while back but because I can't write anything else without getting frustrated/overwhelmed/AAAHHH!! I am going to post this... It has a deeper message... And if you find it, let me know! I wrote it with one in mind, but if you find another one, comment... Always looking for more chizuk.(seemed very appropriate to post this after i read this on another blog... well worth looking at for a new perspective)

Life is a roller coaster,
It has its ups,
It has its downs,
Every moment is a thrill to behold,
But no matter what,
Don't ever let go,
Because some parts of the ride,
May scare you,
Some parts may shock you,
But more often,
Most parts will fill you with joy,
With excitement,
With that endless need,
To know what will happen next,
So how could you possibly let go,
When around the bend,
Pass the loop-de-loop,
Is a new adventure.
And when the ride stops,
You are only filled with that burning passion,
The unquestionable wondering of,
What will happen next?
Which ride, which excitement,
Will i take part in?
And when you leave the park,
And enter the world,
Even more awaits you.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Floating Along

Floating along a lazy river
Catching glimpses of sparkles in the water
I lean back to enjoy the ride
Eyes closed, smiling in peace
Just floating along...

Waves, rocking back and forth
Where did the calm go?
Petrified. What happens next?
I grab my oar and try to steer to safety...
I was just floating along!

Crashing, smashing, bashing,
It hurts, to feel the waves cutting in,
The rapids slice my skin
With an icy coldness,
I feel my heart freezing rapidly...
What happened to just floating?

Can't breathe... no air...
The peacefulness has been shattered
By rocks, by rapids,
No longer safe,
Barely holding on...

What's that ahead?
Peace, looming closer,
I am almost there, I can feel it.
I reach forward,
Then fall...

And now I am floating along,
Entrapped in the oblivion,
No way to escape...
Safety flies above my ahead
Again I reach...
Still... just floating along...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Happiness Is...

Happiness is… a sports water bottle filled with pink lemonade.
Happiness is… a pen writing smoothly on a piece of paper.
Happiness is… accomplishing goals and getting things done

Happiness is… listening to music that just helps
Happiness is… having a way to escape when you don’t want to be caught
Happiness is… the clicking of computer keys
Happiness is… music to choose from, and actually liking what is chosen
Happiness is… a conversation with a friend that doesn’t make sense but makes both people happy
Happiness is… running around on five hours of sleep
Happiness is… pretending
Happiness is… being happy for your friend
Happiness is… laughing at how cute your friend is when she flashes her ring and bracelet
Happiness is… knowing you can make decisions on your own, for better and for worse
Happiness is… knowing that out of a million people, out of the six billion + people in the world, someone cares about you more than you can imagine
Happiness is… having faith that everything will work out in the end.
Happiness is… knowing that one song can touch your soul in ways you didn’t think existed
Happiness is… a (nearly) working MP3 player
Happiness is… spontaneous ruach in the middle of the hallway.
Happiness is… being “dramatic” and “intense”
Happiness is… getting away with breaking the rules
Happiness is... “knowing what’s coming next”
Happiness is… realizing all you have to be grateful for.
Sadness is… having so much to be happy for and not realizing all the good you have

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I Remember

When I think about this poem, long and hard, I realize it can apply to so many different parts of my life. Sigh.

I walked this road
Every step I took
Reminded me of you
The tree where you and I
Lay in the shade
The bushes where you and I
Just so we could talk together,

Telling secrets forever..

I walked this path
Engraved on every stone
Were your initials
And mine
A remembrance forever
For when you and I
No longer walked here
Someone else would know we had.
We were here.

I walked this street,
Not knowing where it would lead,
But if it led to your open arms,
It would be a good one,
How I miss those days,
That you and I had spent,
Together, forever,
Just like you promised,
Now you are gone,
Where are you?

I walked down this empty lane,
Searching for you,
Trying to recall those times we had shared
Together, every moment, together
My friend, my dearest,
My life,
The light has left your eyes,
Never to shine again,
My world has gone dark.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Candyman

There are two reasons for this post, the second reason only came about because of the first. The first reason is, I wanted to sure a poem. I wrote it last year and if you read it closely you can find a very relative lesson that is applicable in every persons life... so read closely, take a moment to think about it, and let me know what you get out of it!

Between perilous slander
And mean fortune
Methinks nothing
But forswear a friend
Which idle change yield tantamount wicked
Only so we loathe
That which never learned our tender minds


The second reason for this post is because when I was locating the above poem on my computer, I found some notes from a speech I heard in camp. The way this speech worked was that the speaker stood in the middle of us (his audience) while we all watched a movie. Every so often the speaker would pause the movie and teach us how each part of the movie and explain how we could take a lesson from the movie. It was incredible to realize that something as gashmius-dik as a movie could have sparks of ruchnius that are so relevent and inspiring...
The movie we watched was the old version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. At the beginning of the movie, Charlie goes into the candy store and the owner breaks out into song and sings:

Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good


The speaker explained that the candy man is compared to Hashem. Hashem makes the world taste good. He could have made it bland and tasteless, He could have made food one taste and that would have been it. But Hashem wanted us to enjoy His beautiful world so He added flavors and tastes!
Now, while the above is nice to hear, I gained a different lesson from it based on my day. Hashem made the world taste good. But what tastes good to one person, may not taste the same way to another. Certain situations can be dealt differently based on the person who is experiencing it. Just like different candies taste good or bad to different people. For example, my mother LOVES the candy Good and Plenty… you know that weird licorice candy? Well, I cant stand it! It makes me gag. And while I like milk chocolate candy, and don’t like dark chocolate, my mother likes dark chocolate and doesn’t like milk chocolate… And a friend of mine HATES chocolate, while I love it! (But still I wonder, how can you not like chocolate???) So too, different situations and events sit well, or not so well with different people.
Life has different situations, events, people… and flavors… I think with time we all can learn to acquire the palate to enjoy them all, or at least manage them to swallow them politely.
(The actual lesson I learned in camp differed a lot from the above, which I just chapped around in like five minutes, but if interested, I can share the other one, which is really incredible and inspiring!)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Still Smiling

Being the day after Sukkos vacation, I consider this a chance to start my "projects" again with a brand new perspective. And sitting in Ivrit class, this is my thoughts about it...

I heard your voice,
Whispering in my mind,
Happiness is hiding,
Now go look and find.

I tried to imagine,
This task at hand,
Would it take months or years?
Would I have to search the whole land?

I asked for more clues,
From your elusive voice
But you already left
And I had no choice.

I looked deep within,
No answers were found,
So bravely I went,
To see where happiness could be found.

I asked a friend to tell,
What I should look,
With a smile and a wink,
She handed me a book.

I went to a teacher,
Who smiled so brightly,
She reassured me kindly,
"This quest should not be taken lightly!"

I looked to a mentor
Someone I looked up to,
Smiling so sweetly,
She told me what to do.

By days end,
I was completely wiped out,
But still I did not know,
What happiness was all about.

I looked in my mirror
To ask myself the question
Perhaps my own face
Could send me in the right direction.

I stared and stared,
For hours to no end,
It seemed so funny,
That soon my mouth did bend.

And then it hit me
Like a ton of bricks!
A stunning smile!
It finally clicked!

How simple it was,
All I needed was a smile,
And I could start being happy.
So I'm still smiling, being happy is so worthwhile!



BH today was a good day. I laughed at the things that annoyed me, smiled when I wanted to frown... (or mercilessly beat up certain people) and managed to come home in a good mood! Here's hoping for another day! And remember, when life seems kinda gray, a smile can clear those clouds away! (Try it! It works for me!)

Monday, October 12, 2009

I Miss You

Just feeling a little down. Missing some people... missing some friends... missing what once was...

I Miss You
It’s a disease,
Creeping, crawling,
Blinding my conscience,
Stabbing at my heart,
Shattering it to pieces.
It’s the pain of missing you.

Around you I could breathe
Your smile was fresh air
Now I'm choking gasping for breath
Losing hope.

I search for a cure
There is none to be found
Until I see your gleaming smile
Cast light on my glooming face
And hear your witty voice

Life moves on
It always does
But the sickness remains
I miss you still
But I’ll move on
Just like you told me to

I miss you
You know I do
I told you I would
Just don’t forget me
Please

Tomorrow will come
Yesterday has passed
Healing the wounds
That your absence has left
Today it’s so hard
Tomorrow will be better

The memories, they fight
To heal my cold dark mind
They envelope me in a moment of warmth
Soothing the scars
Protecting my heart

Smiling
Happy
Angry
Scared
You saw it all

The movie of my life
Would be filled with twists and turns
But you were there at every bend
I miss you
You know I do

The suffering has left me
No longer am I broken
I remember all the good times
Your love, light and everything
Keeps me strong and whole

Forget.
Impossible.
Remember.
Always.
I miss you.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Monkey Bars

(Sometimes I think I should take my own advice. Have a great Yontif!)

Monkey Bars
Imagine a child,
Swinging along,
With one tiny hand,
He bravely holds on.

Reaching forward,
His hand stretches far,
As he proudly grasps,
The next monkey bar.

His hands run roughly,
Against the metal pole,
But he is determined,
To reach his goal.

His little head sweats,
And his face contorts in frustration,
He is incredibly resolute,
To reach his destination

His muscles ache,
He groans quietly in agony,
The sun beats down,
But he keeps at it, as if magically.

Now imagine yourself,
Struggling each day,
Wishing all the misfortune,
Would just go away.

Your head hurts,
And nothing seems clear,
You still move forward,
And cling to what is dear.

Just one more step,
Surely you will succeed,
Keep looking to the future,
If you feel you are in need.

Sometimes you fall,
Achievement seems so far,
But just think of the little boy,
And his colored monkey bars.

At times he will fall,
Falling far down
But with innocent perseverance,
He’ll get up off the ground.

So be like the little boy,
Let nothing get in your way,
Very soon you’ll reach your goal,
And enjoy a brighter day!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Fake it, Make it, Break it

Fake it til you make it.
Because otherwise, no one will care.

Smile... everyone is watching.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Not Nice

I can't help that you're paranoid,
It's not my fault you're insane,
But is it at all possible,
For you to stop causing me so much pain?

I am trying to get it right
Yet somehow i go so very wrong
I have been doing what you want
Though still making mistakes all along

I am not perfect,
You know, I never will be
Still, is it so hard
For you to accept me?

I so badly want to be
Someone who falls into your good grace
I keep coming in last,
Is it really worth the chase?

So together or apart
We are closest at heart,
Every moment we spend together
Is like an endless eternity, forever...

At least it will be over soon.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sitting in a Hut...

Sitting outside in the freezing cold really sets you straight. You leave your comfort for the freezing cold, stuff your body beyond capacity with food, then go to sleep at an unearthly hour... or at least I did.Having some time away from the homeland has really given me a lot to think about. I feel refreshed (though tired) and energized (even though the half a cow in my stomach is weighing me down) and ready for another chance... because honestly, without these breaks from POLIT-- I mean, school, i would not be able to function. So i get one last chance to get myself ready for a new year... and i am ready to take advantage of it!BH my Succos was so nice! I went away and spent time with the cutest kids on earth and their parents, who are the nicest people ever. I ate til i couldnt breathe, slept less then i should have, and managed to make it to Shul in the morning and daven Mincha in the afternoon. Some time away from everything that was bugging me has made me feel really hopeful for when i come back. I have a lot to look forward to. So, basically, for all those times when life just seems tough, unexplainable or frustrating, take some time away from it all. A little time away from all the.. well, drama, is really good for you! At least it was for me!And once again, a lil poem for you to enjoy. I wrote this a while back (I'm not sure when) I think it has a good message, if you're willing to look for it. If not, it rhymes!

Reflections
She looks in the mirror,
To see her reflection,
An image of grace,
Wonder and perfection.

The person staring back,
Smiles, as if to say,
“I know I look perfect,
On this very day.”

But with skin so fair,
And cheeks so bright,
Her eyes filled with sadness,
Just don’t seem right.

She brushes away her tears,
But only more pain does it cause,
For she has lost all hope,
And can only wish to fix her flaws.

As a person,
She has erred
But with makeup and brushes,
She feels prepared.

It’s a dark world,
She can barely see the light,
But with a little power,
She will find the sight.

The face staring back,
Is confused and lost,
Cold and consumed,
Trapped in the frost.

There is only one,
Just one face,
But the one expression,
Puts up a fierce chase.

“Run,” it says,
“Go far away,
Hide your vanity,”
But still, she does not sway.

She stares back,
To fight the spilling tears,
So she can seem happy,
Amongst her peers.

Fierce, she once was,
But now she has lost the will,
To fight back, she has become silenced
She now lies still.

She masks her face,
With color and designs,
Her hair, she twists carefully,
Hoping not to reveal any signs.

But the face staring back,
Is disappointed to see,
Because that face,
Is me.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

For One More Day

Today was one of those days. You know the ones that you wish just never happened. It wasn't like some catastrophic event occurred. It was just a bad day. The whole day I felt like crying... it's probably from the lack of sleep. I am the type of person that needs to be in bed by 10 o' clock to be considered a functioning member of society. But since school started I haven't been able to fulfill that self-made obligation. So I try for 11... which turns in 11:30.... and maybe by 11:45 I'm asleep, out cold for the night.
Waking up is just a disaster. We learned in school at the beginning of the year that when we go to sleep our Neshama sits in Shamayim, going over what when during the day. It is so close to Hashem. But when its time to wake up, the neshama fights! It doesn't want to go back to earth! I commented, "is that why it's so hard to wake up?" I mean, it makes sense. I feel so stuck, so trapped right now. Is it just the pains of being a teenager? Or is it something deeper... more spiritual related? I don't really know, but it would be nice to have a more substantial explanation for my continuous bad moods.
Anyhoo, my day went on, class to class. I was freezing for most of the day (another attribution to my bad mood) Then it was announced over the loudspeakers that Chesed heads were chosen. I had signed up and eagerly wanted to see if I was picked. To my surprise, I was! I am now a committee head for Chesed! Even better, I am head for something I wanted. But even more surprising is that I am heads with my really good friend! So that was exciting, albeit a bit distressing in some ways, but thats a whole other matziv.
First period after lunch was rather annoying. I was told I couldnt be writing in class. Excuse me?? I was sitting quietly (unlike my classmates) yet i got reprimanded! That was another reason for my bad mood. Second period was ok. Third period was a disaster. I went to the office twice (from the bottom floor to the top floor) to get a booklet they didnt even have. Then, when i was supposed to be prepping for PSATS, i fell asleep on my desk. Out cold. I miserably left that class, regretting my behavior for the whole year. I like my math teacher, but after Succos I am getting a new teacher. Oh hum.
During break, I went to daven mincha with the full intention of just pouring out my heart, when i took three steps back, i looked down at the window i was davening in front of me (which is probably why i shouldnt daven in front of a window anymore, note for the future) and saw a dead bird! Not just a mush of brown that could have been passed off for a pile of dirt, but a colorful DEAD bird. That really just threw off my kavanna so I quickly finished davening so i wouldnt have to look. I was really uspet about that.
So I came home and here I am now with some resolutions for Succos and on. MORE SLEEP! MORE SMILES! AND MORE MILES!
Chag Sameach!

(a poem for your reading pleasure!)
Promises

Promises whistle through the wind,
Floating through the trees,
Common as the air we breathe.
“I’ll be on time.”
“We’ll hang out.”
“I won’t forget.”
Yet, somehow, these promises,
Become polluted, painful.
They poison, pierce,
They vaporize,
As quickly as they came,
And suddenly,
Don’t exist.
“Tomorrow.”
“Soon.”
“I’ll call.”
I try so hard,
To catch the promises,
That flutter by.
They breeze through my hair,
They brush across my face,
And tease, so devilishly.
So perhaps, they are meant to pass me by.
Perhaps promises are not meant to last.
Maybe they should fly,
Because if they stand rigid,
They only remind me,
Of what you said you promised me.

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